11/21/2013

Not sure even how to begin today. Has been two very rough days for me battling this. I want to put out there what these days have been like but not to gain your sympathy but maybe to help myself and others gain a little respect for the things that we go through on a day-to-day basis. For 25 years i've practiced occupational therapy and taught patients in my care energy conservation. But now being on the flipside and being the one who's body is making it necessary to conserve all energy I can't begin to wrap my head around the workings of our body. Two days ago the simple movement of turning a pepper grinder three times fatigued my muscles to the point where I needed to sit down and rest and not use my arms to eat. The support muscles of my joints that once held them together no longer have the power to and allow them to dislocate. Eating has become a dance of tremors that cause my spoon to keep the beat on my plate. The sheer energy of sitting without being propped is a luxury of 10 minutes. Standing or walking short distances is a must with a walker and extremely limited to only five minutes max. By the end of the day assistance is necessary to come from sit to stand. Again please remember I do not tell you this because I want you to feel bad for me I don't want you to feel sorry for me I just need you to understand that next time you're looking at someone who's smiling on their face and maybe you even saw them briskly walk by just that morning does not mean that their body now later in the day or even moments later isn't robbing from their movement. If we are up and out and about it is because we are a fighter and probably sometimes too much I know that is me I do more than I should. But at the same time I choose to live I choose to put that smile on my face and I choose to go out there into the world regardless of how I'm going to be judged. There are many new normals that will be coming along for me and one of those will be the use of a scooter. Will some people see a 49-year-old lady in a scooter who's overweight and think that I'm just lazy. Absolutely I see you all the time but through the help of my doctors and the encouragement of my family and friends I will be that person to choose to live, get in the Scooter and ride forward with that smile on my face. So I ask of you now to remember those simple gestures of compassion today when anyone walks, wheels or whizzes by. PLEASE, take that moment to make their heart dance because chances are the five people who passed before you did not. Everyone's heart should dance and just a small amount of compassion is powerful to healing. Thank you in advance for doing this for me. Luv to all